Dr. House er awesome punktum

"I'm a jerk to everyone. Best way to protect yourself from lawsuits."

Are you comparing me to God? I mean, it's great, but so you know, I've never made a tree."

"My life is just one horror after another."

"Why don't you want to work for me? I'm nice, fun at parties."

"No, let them watch. I do my best work on the big stage."

"Candy canes? Are you mocking me?"

"You can think I'm wrong, but that's no reason to quit thinking."

"l'll be on your couch with a shotgun, in case you try to make a limp for the border."(Cuddy to House)

"I'm not deflecting because I'm avoiding something deep. I'm deflecting because I'm avoiding something shallow."

"You know me. Hostility makes me shrink up like a....I cant think of a non-sexual metaphor"

"There is not a thin line between love and hate. There is --- in fact --- a Great Wall of China with armed sentries posted every 20 feet between love and hate."

“Bros before hos, man.”

“Everybody lies.”

"I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone that someone is probably the last person you should ask."

"Like I always say, there's no 'I' in team. There's a 'me,' if you jumble it up."

"Lies are like children: they’re hard work, but it’s worth it because the future depends on them."

"Genetic defect; nice"

"No, if you talk to God you're religious. If God talks to you, you're psychotic."

"Thing is, hope’s for sissies."

"People don´t change."

"Never is just reven spelled backwards."

"Well, like the philosopher Jagger once said, 'You can’t always get what you want.'"

"If I was kidding I'd be dressed like you"

"I only became a doctor because of the movie Patch Adams"

"I can be a jerk to people I haven't slept with. I am THAT good."

"I ask you, is almost dying any reason for not being fun?"

"Everybody's great when they're half everybody's!

“Would've been more impressive if he'd predicted he wasn't gonna die. Course that takes longer.”

"That was awesome. I gotta start pretending to care."

Hello, sick people and their loved ones! In the interest of saving time and avoiding a lot of boring chitchat later, I'm Doctor Gregory House; you can call me "Greg." I'm one of three doctors staffing this clinic this morning. This ray of sunshine is Doctor Lisa Cuddy. Doctor Cuddy runs this whole hospital, so unfortunately she's much too busy to deal with you. I am a board certified diagnostician with a double specialty of infectious disease and nephrology. I am also the only doctor employed at this hospital who is forced to be here against his will. That is true, isn't it? But not to worry, because for most of you, this job could be done by a monkey with a bottle of Motrin. Speaking of which, if you are particularly annoying, you may see me reach for this: this is Vicodin. It's mine! You can't have any. And no, I do not have a pain management problem, I have a pain problem... but who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm too stoned to tell. So, who wants me?